Conflicted by Deep Wounds

It was the summer of 2012. At that time, my husband, Stephen, was meeting an elder from South Korea at a hotel in China. He had just begun working as a professor at Pyongyang Medical School, and this elder had heard the news. As soon as we greeted, he shook Stephen’s hand saying that he had something important to talk to him about. We could sense that he was unhappy about Stephen’s new position as a professor in Pyongyang.

“Professor Yoon, why can you not just help people in the countryside? Why do you have to work in Pyongyang?”

Up until that point, our family had been serving in the northeast region of North Korea through Ignis Community providing humanitarian assistance to rural kindergartens and daycare centers, countryside clinics, and social entrepreneurship. As long as we were working in the northeast region of North Hamgyung Province, we were helping the poor and underprivileged, and that was alright. But as soon as we moved to work in Pyongyang, even though we were continuing to serve through medical work, we were viewed as helping an evil regime because we were working and living in the capital city, the mecca for North Korea’s government.

Children in North Hamgyung Province Fed by Ignis Community

Around 2008 as the South Korean governing party changed, people like us serving through humanitarian work in North Korea were labeled as being pro-North, and we realized that much misunderstanding and confusion was brought about as a result. It was for this reason that this elder was worried and sought us out, we thought, but that was not the case.

Stephen and the elder continued to talk all night until daybreak. Despite the long hours of discussion, they knew that we were not finding common ground. Stephen grew more and more frustrated. Why was this so difficult? “What in the world is the problem?” he wondered.

 At that moment, the elder all of a sudden raised his voice. Anger spilled forth. “Do you, young people, not know that the communists came down and slaughtered my uncle with a bayonet right in front of my own eyes? If you were there, you would know that those people are not human at all! They are beasts,” he screamed. “Those people you work for in Pyongyang are not people,” he declared.  

Soldiers Fighting in the Korean War

We had known this elder for several years, but we had never seen him as excited and emotional as we did that night. That day through Stephen’s conversation with this elder, we began to see the incurable wounds and trauma that our parents’ generation retained. Our generation can never fully understand the extent of their trauma, but at that moment Stephen felt in the depths of his stomach all the emotions that had been pent up for so long. An apology welled up from within him. He apologized for not understanding, seeing, or even knowing the depths of pain inflicted upon them by the Korean War.

This sentiment does not exist just in Korea. It lives on in the U.S. as well as in many other countries. In many ways, the Cold War has not ended. Conflict between communism and democracy and capitalism with socialism is still very much alive today.

A recent poll asked random Americans on the street who the United States’ top enemy is. More than half of Americans, precisely 52%, saw China as the greatest threat. Following China, 14% felt that Russia was the main threat, and approximately 12% of these Americans answered North Korea.

From these responses, it is evident that the political divide from the Cold War Era still exists today. Previous generations have been traumatized by war, by the fear of losing freedom, by threats from surrounding nations. That fear and trauma has been passed down from generation to generation and haunts us today.

Fear of North Korea is not because of any actual conflict that we have today. Yes, they have a nuclear arsenal, but it pales in comparison to the U.S.’ North Korea prioritizes its military because of the Korean War- a war that has never ended. Therefore, because of past unresolved conflicts, North Korea is an enemy of the United States, up until today.

Unfortunately, it has come to the point now that we do not even know why we are at odds with each other. For ideology? Because of opposing political systems? Due to our past conflict on the Korean Peninsula? How long is long enough? What is the point of perpetrating this ongoing cycle of trauma and conflict if we do not even know why?

Now is the time to end the conflict and start new. It is time to declare an end to the Korean War, which is something that only the United States can do.

What would the Korean Peninsula look like if it was not at war? Would North Korea put a halt to their nuclear weapons program? Could it be that the threat of North Korea would dissipate? Would there be reconciliation between North and South Korea?

One thing is for sure. Prolonging war, by definition, can and will never lead to peace.

Maybe we are all waiting for this grand thing called peace and unification. However, I believe we first have to understand where each other are coming from. As I have met South Koreans such as the elder whose uncle was killed by North Koreans, I can see that these many years have not healed their wounds of the past nor the pain of that entire generation.

Each person has been someone’s father, mother, son, or daughter. I have met them, talked with them, and lived my life among them in North Korea. But by journeying on the road of life together, not divided or at conflict with one another, perhaps one day will come when we can all truly see one another for who we really are and care for each other’s deeply conflicted wounds.